Children who are abused or witness abuse in their homes don’t want to be involved. It’s scary and confusing. They don’t understand and just want to feel safe. Even if they do not witness actual abuse happening to others in the house, they often hear arguments, the sounds of slapping, hitting or of things breaking. They may even sense tension or see bruises. But worse is when they are the target.
If you know or suspect that domestic abuse is happening in your home and children are present, you have two choices: stay or leave. If you decide to leave an abusive relationship, you may be helping your children feel safer and making them less likely to tolerate abuse as they get older. If you decide not to leave, you can still PREPARE and PROTECT your children and yourself using these tips:
- Make a safety plan for you and your child(ren)
- Talk to your child(ren). Let them know that abuse is NOT OK and is NOT THEIR FAULT.
- Contact a support person at one of the domestic violence/domestic abuse hotlines who can help you learn your options. Check out our blog about PROTECTING yourself from domestic violence for resources available to you.
A word of caution … you may want to keep quiet about your plans in front of your children. Young children may not be able to keep a secret from an adult in their life. Children may say something about your plan to leave without realizing it. If it would be unsafe for an abusive partner to know ahead of time that you’re planning to leave, talk only to trusted adults about your plan. It’s better for you and your children to be physically safe than for your children to know ahead of time that you will be leaving.
Remember, children just want to feel safe. Reassure them of your love and that things will be OK. Make sure if you leave the home that you take things with you that will help your child(ren) feel safe in a new environment, like their favorite stuffed animal, video game or toy. A little goes a long way.
If you feel like you must stay, check out our blog for tips and ways to PREPARE and PROTECT to PERSEVERE and survive in the presence of an abuser.